Out with the old...

Just a couple of things to get out of the way before the year is over.

Firstly, I'm not looking forward to getting back to Southampton if this weather forecast is anything to go by...



I'm hoping the snow will have gone and the temperature risen by about 20 degrees by the time I get back tomorrow. Or perhaps Google just got it wrong...

Secondly, a bit of a rant. I spent most of yesterday complaining loudly about one particular aspect of the New Year's Honours list. That particular aspect being that June Sarpong, here depicted in all her uselessness...



...has been awarded an MBE. For services to broadcasting. Even though it's the lowest of the BEs, I will remain astounded by this well into January and probably beyond. She will just get on my nerves more and send me diving for the remote control much more quickly than she did before.

Services to broadcasting. I ask you... Obviously being able to speak clearly and coherently and not like you have been on the vodka is no longer a prerequisite for high achievement in broadcasting. Either that, or it was all a terrible mail merge mistake at the Palace - this is my preferred version of events.

I worry that this time next year we might be saluting Dame Heather Small or, as has already been suggested, Sir Jamie Cullum.

Help.

Fog off...

"We got one of the last slots on the Dover to Calais ferry..." whinged Family A.

"The only thing to do was to drive..." complained Family B.

"This is the first time we have tried to have Christmas with our Italian family..." moaned Famiglia C.

"We'll try tomorrow but otherwise I don't know what we'll do..." grumbled Overindulged Delayed Passenger D, as she clutched a blanket tighter around her shoulders.

Well, its sunny now...

..so stop your snivelling, remember there's a lot worse in some people's lives than being delayed at an airport for a few hours, get on your planes and bugger off and leave us all in peace for Christmas.

Enough, already...

Thursday: Title of final Harry Potter book announced...

Friday: You can already buy it on Amazon...



...despite the webpage being full of disclaimers that they actually don't know when it will be published or actually how much it will cost. And they don't know what the cover will look like.

Interestingly enough, 6 customers have already reviewed it, giving it an average of 4½ stars. I'm sure JK Rowling is beavering away in an Edinburgh café somewhere, this time only pretending her heating has been cut off at home, trying to earn the extra half a star. No doubt her editors, who have let her creep up from the 190 pages of the first book to the rambling, unnecessary 768 of the most recent, will let her do anything she wants this time as she is rich enough and Bloomsbury desperate enough to let her call all the shots. Which is a shame, because properly and objectively edited, they might have flourished on the quality of the writing rather than the hype.

There's a lot of discussion about whether she should kill Harry off in this book. Personally I'm hoping Harry has the good sense to broomstick through the back cover and kill her off.

How Christmassy am I???


* Have actually just noticed that Amazon now recommend you also buy the "Adult Version" at the same time...

...presumably this is full of swearing and sex and violence and 200 pages longer.

Arbetsmiljoverket

Just as you might be getting your IKEA tea lights out to make Christmas glimma, a foray (for your own good, you understand) into Swedish Health and Safety.

I think this is what the first few mean. Please add comments for the others...


Do not allow your candle to talk to R2-D2 on a sunny day...


Be careful if using your teapot for archery practice...

Don't vomit on your candle before extinguishing it...

Don't use candles as big as your chair, or you may disappear...

Do not allow your child to kiss pets by candlelight...