Meet your chickens...

As Magda said...




..."it's bad enough having to read most of the crap that's written, without 'avin to look at a photo of the bastard that wrote it..."

Well, now it's poultry with egos too...



All I can say to Tesco is that I feel it's ethical enough to buy the locally sourced, Shiny Happy Farmers Free Range eggs, without 'avin to look at a photo of the chickens that laid 'em...

It must be the holidays...

...because emails with this kind of thing in usually go straight in the junk mail. And are usually from Tina. But on this occasion, thanks, Sarah, for wasting a considerable chunk of my Saturday morning! Baaaaa!



I haven't got above Bobbing Bobcat yet; I have only had one coffee though....

Christmas Repeats....

Penguin...
Reindeer...
Owl...
Polar Bear...
Penguin...
Owl...
Reindeer
Polar Bear...
Polar Bear...

One would have assumed that, with a John Lewis advent calendar, one was investing in quality and, perchance, a little bit of variety.



Seemingly not.

A Choice of Spiritual Experiences...

Having looked at the Nottingham Arena website - not for any particular reason, just because it was less than three random clicks away from something I really was looking at - I now have to decide which of these events I want to go and see...

But hang on...

Does one of them seem like the odd one out? Has one of the over-25s gone solo? Perhaps one of them will help me understand my higher purpose in life? *

If so, I think it's more likely to be Bill Bailey than any of the others.

* Apparently, 50 Cent realised his higher purpose in life after being shot in the face nine times. I didn't get as far as reading what it was...

Is that an iPod in your pocket...?

I am seriously not making this up....

I knew that Marks was trying to be a bit more up to date and trendy, but do we really need this?

I suppose it's only the next logical step after integrating your iPod with your kitchen, your car, your running shoes (not my running shoes, obviously) and your toilet roll holder (!)

But as they might say... "This is not just the future. This is the M&S future..."

Nosh'n'Go...

Didn't see much evidence of corporate health and safety when I was in Amsterdam, but clearly the Dutch giant Unilever thinks we are all capable of stupid mistakes...

(By the way, the conditioner is not mine...)

Your Starter for Ken...*

It's been a while since I watched University Challenge...



...but clearly things have changed.

*I'm really sorry about the post title.

Arbetsmiljoverket

Just as you might be getting your IKEA tea lights out to make Christmas glimma, a foray (for your own good, you understand) into Swedish Health and Safety.

I think this is what the first few mean. Please add comments for the others...


Do not allow your candle to talk to R2-D2 on a sunny day...


Be careful if using your teapot for archery practice...

Don't vomit on your candle before extinguishing it...

Don't use candles as big as your chair, or you may disappear...

Do not allow your child to kiss pets by candlelight...

Alton Towers for rodents...

Like all the other newspapers, The Guardian published the story about Mike the Hamster escaping from the recycling plant which you can read about here (or here on the BBC.)

However, I wish The Guardian had credited the artist who illustrated it...



...because then I would know who to thank for making me laugh.

Mike at position 4 is particularly amusing. Although perhaps no more so than "hamster ducking under blades" at position 2.

Sam is the hero next door! (or not...)

Is it wrong that I have some sort of sneaking admiration for the person who made the following complaint to OFCOM? I reproduce it below, probably breaching copyright, so that you can stifle your laughter and make your own mind up...

Fireman Sam - CBeebies, 10 February 2006, 12.45

Introduction

This episode of the long-running children's television series told the story of an old and carelessly stored electric blanket which caught fire. When Fireman Sam arrived at the fire, before he entered the building, he asked his colleague Elvis to ensure the electrical power source had been disconnected. After Elvis had disconnected the source, Fireman Sam went into the bedroom where the electric blanket was on fire and extinguished the blaze with water.

A complainant felt that extinguishing an electrical fire with water sent out an incorrect safety message to young children watching.

Response

The BBC said it had reviewed the episode and felt confident that Fireman Sam and his team followed the correct procedure by isolating the power source first before tackling the fire. As the sequence was short, there was little chance of viewers seeing the fire fighting without hearing of the precaution first.

Even so the programme makers were concerned that a small number of viewers seemed not to have picked up the safety precaution. This had been discussed with senior editors and another episode, which dealt in more detail with electrical fires, had now been edited to reinforce the safety message further. The BBC confirmed that next time the episode complained of was repeated, the additional episode reinforcing how to deal with electrical fires safely would be the next scheduled.

Decision

Although the storyline had followed the correct procedure, we welcome the BBC’s action to reinforce the safety message for young viewers.

Resolved

Eireann go Brach!

Attracted by the Irish Tourist Board's exhortations, I am off to Dublin tomorrow morning.

Did the Guinness Experience, the Whisky (or should that be Whiskey?) Experience and the Ballykissangel Experience (albeit by accident...) last time, so this time doing the Zoo Experience, the Viking World Experience, the Phoenix Park Experience, and the Bram Stoker Dracula Experience (the last one is actually called that...)

Three years ago, we also had the Entire-City-Centre-Being-Completely-Dug-Up-To-Lay-Tram-Lines Experience, but I am reliably informed that's all finished now...

Well, it beats going to the sales...

Well, if it's Boxing Day, it must be the Raft Races. (Actually, it might be the Raft Races - it's a sort of on-and-off family tradition...)

Here's a general view as the (not very sturdy) rafts come floating down the River Derwent at Matlock Bath.



Here are the regulation Santas...



Some people hadn't spent much time making their rafts, but had brought their lunch along with them...



Fortunately, the firemen were handy in the next raft if the barbecue got out of hand...



This was the HMS Victory - spot Nelson if you can...



Now, there is audience participation. Many of the thousands of riverbank onlookers who had braved the cold and had a bacon roll and a coffee in polystyrene cup had brought flour bombs to chuck at the rafters (not us, obviously). This is hilariously funny until they start chucking them back, not differentiating between the guilty and the innocent, and then sending oarfuls and, in some cases, bucketfuls, of water crowdwards aswell...



...and in rare cases (not joking), baked beans came our way...



...and then off they went down the river towards Cromford...



...until Boxing Day next year!

* Finished The Da Vinci Code well before the Evans Spoiler! Kept wanting Wincey Willis to appear and stop the clock. And Velma out of Scooby-Doo is a better cryptographer than Sophie Neveu.